Live

"I love it back home. I love where I'm
from. I love everything about this life --
even the getting hurt, because there's
so much you learn. It's all part of it.
So, when you set out know
that's where the compass is pointing:
to the truth .. that you should get waist
deep and feel all of it, savor every moment,
the bitter and the sweet, cause in all of
that -- that's where your life is."

Sure is a Crazy Ride

I was never any good at goodbye. Actually im quite awkward when it comes to saying that word. I hate endings, no matter how bad the experiences were. Life has a funny way about that. It seems that everything has a perfect order, like even the slightest detail is just right. Some days you think things couldn 't go more wrong and then 10 years later you realize how perfect they really turned out. So I guess goodbye is just one of those things in lifes crazy plan for us. It's something we all have no choice but to accept. In time I guess Iv'e realized why we have goodbyes, they are merely just a salutation to meet again. Nothing is ever forever, no matter how final you think it is. Your goodbyes always start a new beginning and you always take a little bit of the past with you everytime you move forward. It's a little gift that you can keep with you forever. No experience is ever bad, it's just one more piece to the jigsaw puzzle of craziness. As I'm getting older, I am realizing this more and more everyday. I am no longer saying goodbye, I am saying hello to the new adventure. And so it is.


"youth is afterall just a moment, but its the moment, the spark, that you always carry in your heart"

Testing Yourself

Why are we all scared of things we cannot control? Fear is something that everyone feels at one point in there life. A lot of the time we are fearful of things that we can't change. I know this first hand figuring I have some of the most irrational fears out there. I dont think a giant epedermic needle is going to sneak attack me and stab me anytime soon. I am constantly worrying about things that are out of my hands. I worry that I will never fall in love or that I will never be able to have kids. Things that I ultimatley cannot control. Why waste time on the unknown? I am so frequently trying to dodge heartache and rejection like the freakin plague. Why am I wasting precious time worrying? I guess in order to find the things I desire, you have to test yourself. Without that, you will never truely discover who you are. I guess a little rejection never hurt anyone. There are chances that I am so scared to take, things that come so easily to others. In order to conquer the fear of what we do not know, you have to dive into your fear head first. Sometimes the water might be cold at first, but you'll get used to it. Tommorrow is a new day, a new day full of new surprises and opportunities. Tommorrow I will take a risk; I will test myself. Who knows, maybe we will all get what we want if we just let life take it's course, let fate step in. We will see wont we...

"because it's only when your tested that you discover who you are and its only when your tested that you discover who you can be, the person that you want to be does exist somewhere on the other side of hardwork and faith and belief that beyond the heartache and fear that life has"

Make Your Heart Drop and Come Alive

Too many people in this world have lost there spirit. They have lost that little something that makes them tick, what keeps them going day to day. That fire and spark for living. Me, my spirit is well alive. Those who know me are well aware of this, sometimes they probably wish my spirit would just shut the hell up. I guess this is a gift and a curse. I am so enthusiastic about things that I probably can be annoying as hell. The amazing thing about spirit is that no one can ever rob you of it. No one is ever going to mug you and be like "give me your spirit". It just doesnt work like that. Thats the greatest thing about it, its controlled by you. Spirit is all in how you use it. My Nana, she is 78 years old, with a prosthetic knee, coke bottle glasses and a family that is absolutely freakin insane, and she has the most zest for life out of anyone I have ever met. She has had so many things pitted against her, and she just wont lose her spirit. When you have something that alive deep inside of you, how could you not live life everyday with a smile on your face. Spirit is something people feel right away, it is an energy that so strong no one can push it away.(though some will try really hard and with great force) No matter where I go in life, fame or not, married or alone, I will always carry my spirit along with me. It will never leave you and will never let you down so take chances, make mistakes and live for the moments that make you feel alive.

"Your spirit is unlike any other,its alive and full of life. It can give you wings, wings of a thousand angels carrying you from your darkest depths of sorrow to the light of another tommorrow, you have to much spirit to be anything but happy, so smile and the world will smile along with you."- Anonymous

The Little Things In Life

So I’m back on my quest for finding something worth doing in this world. Something worth seeing. I see people all day running around in a hurry, honking and yelling and talking on there cell phones. Believe me, I’ve been there. I’ve been one of those people, in such a hurry to get somewhere quick or get something done faster than the next person. I get it, we all have got things that we have to do in our daily life, but would it kill ya to stop and look around for a minute. Take a look at the fortune in life for just being alive, being able to sit outside and look at the passing clouds. Some people need to take a look around and realize that there is something bigger here. There is something more than cell phones and facebook and board meetings. We have so much good in the world and a lot of the time we all don’t take the time to look for it. Ya sometimes you might have to dig deep and really look for it, but other days are easy, some days you can just walk outside in the sunshine and realize that this is what life’s about. It’s about the small stuff. The stuff we all, myself included, don’t take the time to see. Today when you walk outside, no matter what mood you’re in, try and find some joy, just a little slice of something that makes your life worth living.

"And at night the stars, they put on a show for free" -James Taylor

Life, Love, and Fairy Tales

Today I was thinking about relationships....again...Why does everyone seem to find there sould mate and I can barely find a guy without a criminal record! I guess they say you have to be patient and you cant just go looking for love. Well what kind of advice is that! Who is "they" anyways cause there really biting the big one right now. I have been being patient for over a decade now and I don't think I could possibly "not look" anymore. Why can't the perfect guy just drop into my bed..just like that...simple. Now thats something "they" should be talking about. I guess sometimes things are really happening for a reason... maybe we are alone for some divine purpose. Maybe that "perfect" (perfect used very lightly)guy is just out there waiting for the moment to change my life. Maybe im just a dreamer but when you are alone thats what you'r running on...dreams (maybe a little chocolate and some jack daniels here and there) but for romantic purposes dreams. Love is a many faceted thing, not to be understood by the human mind. So I guess I will just stay patiently waiting for now.


"and if were lucky we realize that face of everything, in the face of love and life, the true dream is being able to dream at all."

Fame

In the words of Andy Warhol everyone will get their 15 minutes of fame at some point in their life. Where those 15 minutes start and end is up to you. I would say that I'm waiting for my 15 minutes to start. The only flashin lights im seeing are those in the on and off sign at the pizza place I work at. I know with all of my heart and wit that I will have no problem becoming famous. Ok well it might be kind of hard figuring I dont really have many usable skills like dancing or acting. I want to write a book...a funny book that people read when they are feeling sad or depressed and it makes them feel better. I also want a TV show. Like a late night comedy show, this shouldn't be too hard figuring I know nothing about television or have any connections whatsoever...except for the ones I have in the Cafeteria at my school. I'm preety much a celeb there. Anyone have any idea how I can start my quest for fame?

Wisdom from my Nana

Today is BEAUTIFUL out. Perfect day to go for a walk or sit outside with the one you love. What happens when you don't have someone that you "love". Both my roomates both have boyfriends who are conveniently my other two best friends. Safe to say we spend a lot of time with eachother. They are all in lovey dovey make me sick la la land, and I sit there and think about what the hell I am doing wrong that I don't have someone. I've had boyfriends in the past, don't get me wrong, they were all just rediculous losers. I actually don't know anyone (besides Pam Anderson) who has a bigger track record for dating losers. Like they are BAD. One was a born again dead head drug addict and the other was a pathalogicaly lying alcoholic. There was a slew of others but they will go unmentioned because this is starting to make me look bad. A lot of days pass by where I wonder why haven't I found someone worth being with. We can clearly see here that I'm not picky. Those damn Nicholas Sparks movies arent helping either. According to him I'm going to have to move down south,go to some sort of fair (apparently thats where you meet prince charming) have a life changing tradgedy,redesign a house maybe save some sea turtles, then fall madly deeply in love. Like COME ON Nick your killing me here. This does not help me have a positive outlook on my love life.(or lack there of) My Nana always told me that if you genuinely love yourself then others will follow. I guess this is the best advice that I have to take for myself. I have to fall in love with myself before I can fall in love with someone else. I have faith that everyone in this world is meant to be with someone...lets hope that someone isn't a liar, alcoholic, or already married. KIDDING! Today I will start working on loving myself and we will see if anyone else follows.


"Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they're supposed to run wild until they find someone... just as wild to run with" -Sex and the City

Traveling on the Dirt Roads

Today I've been thinking about what the hell im going to do with my life. My mother asks me constantly "What usable skills do you have, you can't just make a living off dreams and personality". To the contrary Mum! See me and my mother don't have the most platonic raltionship. She is by the book and I tend to wanna write the book. She likes structure and rules and well I like being me. She tells me all the time that if I want to make it in this world then I have to follow the rules, dress appropriatly and GOD FORBID get a tattoo. I just can't picture myself sitting behind a desk writing memos or worst come to worst READING memos. I quite frankly just want to me myself. Call me crazy...iv'e heard it many times before, but I think that this world is just so stuck in there ways. We all should dress a certain way in the work place and talk a certain way. Am I the only one that sees how NUTS this is! Yes for some people that works but for me, I need to run wild. Some would say that I'm young and I dont't understand the cruelty that this world has to offer. Others would say I was a genious because I'm seeing the world how it was intended to be seen. The world is your playground. Life is not supposed to be all about paved roads and street signs, the best roads are the dirt kind where you can just ride and get lost in what the world has to offer. I say stay off the busy highways and take a minute to drive down the dirt road. You never know what adventures might lie there, until youv'e tried it out for yourself.


"If I'd observed all the rules, I'd never have gotten anywhere" Audrey Hepburn

When Misfortune Knocks At Your Door...

Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I am writing this blog because I want to keep track of every new journey in life...good and bad. Iv'e got BIG plans for the world. I honestly dont know if they are ready for me, god knows im not even ready for me. My mind is constantly moving faster than my body, this may or may not have a hand in why I fall all the time. But when I do fall, as long as there are no major injuries, I tend to get back up. I guess falling has become a regular in my life. When your almost 6 feet tall and have the physical stability of a toddler, you get quite accustom to falling flat on your ass on a regular basis. I have learned a lot from this unfortunate hand I have been dealt. When you do fall literally or figuritively you have two choices 1. staying down and risking further injury or 2. Getting up and moving on. Me; I have fallen literally and physically A LOT. Sometimes I decided to stay on the ground...and feel sorry for myself. Now I know staying down is not gonna get me any further in life. I have to get up, move on, sometimes get a first aid kit (usually only if there is blood involved) and seize the day. I was not put on this earth to wallow in the unfortunate parts of life...though sometimes it seems misfortune is always knocking at my door. The old me would answer that door and most likely offer misfortune a cocktail...now the new me and going to ask misfortune to leave because I can drink by myself....KIDDING I will politly ask misfortune to leave and maybe have a glass of champagne. (or two) Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

"Maybe the past is an anchor holding us back, maybe, you have to let go of who you are, to become who you will be" -Sex and the City